I’ve spent over a year directly engaging with high school students in the essays channel of the Applying to College Discord, which is affiliated with (and better moderated than) the subreddit of the same name. Here are some of the questions I’ve been asked there. As with the previous edition of this series, questions and answers have been curated and edited for clarity, albeit with an eye on preserving some of their syntactic flavor.
College Transfer Application Essays and Personal Statements
What’s the biggest problem you’ve seen with transfer application essays?
Not many people articulating compelling academic reasons for transferring. What I’ve observed is that many – not all, but many – of the students whose transfer bids I’ve dealt with stumble into college with a chip on their shoulder, having been rejected by schools they feel like they deserved to get into. That forms their motivation. Lacking an actual case, they come up with some bullshit reasoning that invariably sets them up for rejection.
Among the “reasons” I’ve seen cited this year:
• A lack of good nearby restaurants
• No one who wants to leave campus, ever (how this student managed to speak to everyone on campus in their first semester is beyond me)
• They thought they wanted a small school… but then they realized that they wanted a big school because… big schools are, well, bigger than small schools
• They really want to join DreamSchool’s alumni network, because the professional connections would be invaluable to them
Regarding the last, be it known that citing a university’s alumni network as a reason you’re applying to their college comes across as exceptionally pretentious.
It doesn’t curry favor with admissions officers. It’s not a compelling reason for them to allow you to transfer. It doesn’t help your chances… and it may work against you. “But, but, but, but… why?” you ask?
1) It puts the cart before the horse. You haven’t proven anything about yourself yet. No one’s going to give you a degree for getting in. Talking about alumni networks when you’ve yet to even spend a full day in DreamSchool’s pressure cooker just makes you look like an entitled social climber, especially because you’re probably in a position where you’re trying to leave a school that is perceived as less-prestigious for one that is perceived as more-prestigious… and talking about alumni networks pretty much screams “HERE FOR THE PRESTIGE.”
2) Alumni networks aren’t nearly as strong as you think. No one’s going to give you a job solely based on the basis of a shared alma mater and alumni networking functions are little more than excuses to drink and swap business cards with people who will try to sell you something later. There’s no secret handshake. Your alum pin or class ring might be a conversation starter if someone recognizes it, but no one’s going to note your Yalumbiavardford Institute of Technology sweatshirt at Equinox and say, “why hello there, old sport, I see you’re a fellow YITizen. What say we abscond from this sad plebeian den of rabble for drinks and a game of squash at The Union Club?”
Just do not mention alumni networks. At best, it’s harmless: why waste words?
What’s most glaring about bad transfer essays, however, isn’t the lack of good reasons: it’s the sense of entitlement. They come across as incredibly immature. In my experience, the best transfer essays thoughtfully articulate a dilemma: “I got to college and I discovered an academic passion for something that I can’t pursue here, but that I can pursue at your school.” In addressing that dilemma, they carefully unpack their motivations and their reasoning. Their passion is evident. They come across as sincere. There’s something about them – and this is true for all good college application essays – that makes you want to root for them: you see their work, their talent, their curiosity, their humility, and you want to back them.
Should you mention sudden financial/personal issues in a transfer application essay?
Although “you’re cheaper than where I am now” is better than “I can’t find any friends,” or “this place is pushing me towards the edge of insanity,” neither exactly scream “HERE’S A STUDENT WE WANT ON CAMPUS.” It depends on the personal issue. Candidly, most of the personal issues that transfer applicants come up with sound a lot like “my dog ate my homework.” The ones that don’t sound like that raise the question of “why not just take a semester off?” All you’re really telling an AO is that you’re bringing a personal issue to their school or, worse, that you’re incapable of handling conflict. There are some personal issues that are serious and that I don’t think I need to describe in detail here. If that’s the case, then yes, you should absolutely cite it, assuming that’s the reason you want to transfer. What WON’T work is providing a litany of grievances: “it’s too expensive and I feel discriminated against and there are no good restaurants nearby and I want a better alumni network and…” aren’t going work in concert to get you in. They’re going to work against you because they sound like complaints, not reasons.
Would someone be able to read my “why transfer” essay for Penn?
I can tell you what’s probably wrong with it without having to look at it.
HERE’S WHY YOUR TRANSFER ESSAY SUCKS.
We’ll use Penn as the example.
• You didn’t cite specific academic resources for wanting to transfer or, worse, the resources you cited weren’t specific to Penn: they were resources that could be found at your current school or any other school.
• Your reasons for leaving your current institution scream “1st year problems,” e.g., you’re having a problem fitting in, you thought it would be more diverse, you don’t like the atmosphere, etc. First thing that pops up for a reader is “did he/she even give the school a chance?”
• You’re applying to Penn as a Hail Mary transfer because you didn’t get in last cycle and you think, for whatever reasons, that you deserve to get in. “Deserve” has nothing to do with it.
• The writing is full of clichés like “dream school” and “unlimited possibilities” or romanticizes Penn as the only possible path for your academic future.
• You copied and pasted another transfer essay and plugged in Penn class and professor names, then added a few clubs or organizations to show how socially well-adjusted you are. It’s always obvious.
• ChatGPT. ‘Nuff said.
• The academic goals that you hope to achieve in transferring are unclear. “Prestige” is not an academic goal. “Impact” is not an academic goal. “I love Penn” is not an academic goal.
Once again, I point you and all aspiring transfer applicants to this document: https://www.cmu.edu/student-success/other-resources/handouts/comm-supp-pdfs/writing-transfer-essay.pdf.
I have a friend who’s transferring out of his current college due to racism/discrimination, so I’m curious how one would explain that without seeming like they’re shitting on the school? I know that isn’t an academic motivation, but that wouldn’t be construed as trivial right?
That’s a pretty serious accusation. I’d say that it will seem like he’s just shitting on the school unless…
• He has documented escalating incidents that indicate a pattern of racism/discrimination (who, what, when, where etc.)
• He’s exhausted all options in addressing said racism (has he reported it? If so, to who and how many times? Where are those reports?)
• The racism/discrimination he’s facing creates a hostile atmosphere that is non-conducive to personal and academic growth
It would be helpful (to his case) if the university has a documented reputation (in newspapers etc.) for such incidents, but that’s not up to him.
I think you get the gist. Accidental or unintentional microaggressions probably aren’t going to move an admissions officer, particularly if this student is applying to a school by which he was previously rejected or a school that far exceeds the selectivity of the school he’s attending.
He still has to have specific academic reasons for wanting to attend the new school, mind you, and all of the advice that CMU gives still stands. Universities are not countries opening their arms to refugees from other universities that have proven too hostile for students’ liking: he’s not going to get in solely because he faced racism/discrimination elsewhere.
The other thing working against him is that the first year of college can take some getting used to. It’s a little bit like the first couple weeks at a new job: you hate it, you don’t fit in, you feel like don’t know what you’re doing, and you want to quit. It’s very easy to feel like that… and college admins know it.
I don’t know him that well so idk about his specific circumstances, but since he’s from the same city as me, I was curious about what to do if I end up in a similar situation next year. Is it easier to get in as a transfer applicant?
Not necessarily. Admissions officers know that students shotgun schools and try to use transferring as a backdoor.
Regarding the chances of you ending up in a “similar situation next year…” If you enter a new community and you expect to be discriminated against, you’ll see discrimination everywhere. It’s a flaw in human cognition: humans love realities that reinforce their beliefs and expectations and will unconsciously filter their experiences and observations accordingly.
The flaw is compounded when applicants, believing that they deserve to go to a T10 or T20, are unhappy when they’re accepted by “lesser” schools and immediately start planning to transfer before they even give the school a chance. The solution is simple: don’t apply to schools you don’t want to go to, but God forbid I or anyone else attempt to impose reason on academic consumerism.
The Common Application Personal Statement
Should I write about how I improved my grade in AP Physics or how I overcame my shyness?
Regardless of the challenge that you write about, your task is to demonstrate a profound or a meaningful change. That means spending some time in the “before” and “during.” Essays that gloss shyness and avoidance and skip ahead to the writer as a social butterfly whose chrysalis was broken by exiting their “comfort zone” (a dreadful cliché: banish it from your writing now and forever) are common and boring. Take your reader into how shy and avoidant you were. Write vividly. Give examples. Describe what it felt like for you.
There’s a beautiful example of this in the novel Thirst for Salt by Madelaine Lucas, where the protagonist, writing in first person (as you will in an essay), describes her shyness in her adolescence and 20s:
“I was shy, and I wore my shyness like a cloak that obscured me from view, and as a consequence, any advances I made carried a certain intensity that, I sensed, was unnerving — as if I’d abruptly revealed myself. And though I did not give myself up easily, was guarded and slow to trust, I was also painfully earnest. My young face had an openness that tended to reveal too much, and this, I knew, could be strangely intimidating in the way vulnerability sometimes is.” (page 15)
Is it acceptable to write about religion (for the Common Application Personal Statement)?
Nobody is asking you to write an essay about your religion.
It is acceptable for you to write about how your religious background has shaped who you are.
In our essays can we say something like “this was something that 9-year-old John…” (John being the writer) when flashing back to the past?
Please don’t start with sentimental, infantilized 3rd person observations of yourself. I have already torn this to pieces on my website: avail yourself of the wisdom I’ve threshed from painful experience and speak no more of such insipid drivel.
Aren’t all personal statements about growth?
No.
Common App PS Prompt 1: Tell us something about yourself that is essential to knowing you outside of your academic and extracurricular achievements/accomplishments.
Common App PS Prompts 2-7: Tell us about something or someone that has shaped the person you are outside of your academic and extracurricular achievements/accomplishments.
What if you can’t put stuff into words but a quote does it perfectly?
Then you’ll start your essay with something impersonal, vague, and contrived, despite receiving expert advice to not do that.
While you’re at it, make sure you use the word “impact” at least 4 times and try to fit in a tapestry metaphor.
Writing is work. Editing is work. It doesn’t come easily and it’s not mastered overnight, which is why I find it hilarious that so many people start acting – and being treated – like experts the minute they land at a T20.
Figure it out. Write more. From the looks of it, you have some time to practice, and that’s a good thing, because if you think you’re going to write killer essays right off the bat, you’re mistaken. Make it work. There’s VOLUMES of good advice in pinned and scattered throughout this channel.
Tears on rejection letters take a lot longer to dry than ink does on badly-written essays. Trust.
Supplemental Essays and Miscellany
What are some unconventional responses to the Stanford intellectual vitality prompt that you’ve seen?
Unconventional writing or topics don’t turn up very often. The applicants who are actually passionate about topics––and I don’t mean the ones who are obsessed with making money on the latest tech trend––evidence their obsessions by activities that their peers don’t pursue. They join societies and forums, write articles, read books and journals, visit gravesites and places sacred to their passion… their passions are personal and you see that right away.
If you’ve ever talked to a young child who’s REALLY into dinosaurs or ancient Egypt or rocks or anything else, you’ve probably noticed that they seem to know (or want to know) everything about their topic… and they’re more than happy to talk your ear off about it.
That kind of curiosity and enthusiasm gets noticed.
That enthusiasm gets noticed because it is beaten out of people by tests, grades, and building personas solely for the intention of getting into a “prestigious” or “top” school. The irony, of course, is that “prestigious” and “top” schools want students who haven’t had that beaten out of them. They settle for grinds and sweats, but the most interesting people on any college campus are the ones who still have that same curiosity and enthusiasm.
Do I really need to be name-dropping professors and courses on my supplemental essays to look compelling?
Sometimes: it depends on the prompt. There’s not just one type of “why us” essay: there are plenty of variations on the theme, so you have to read and understand the prompt to address it effectively.
The problem with namedropping is that students have not only overdone it, they’ve overdone it exceptionally badly. The precedents are copy-pasted nonsense and it’s always obvious.
Regardless of whether or not you choose to “namedrop” (and it’s not namedropping if you actually want to work with a professor), you do need to research these schools. I am amazed by how many students shotgun schools thinking they’re going to land at one of the Ivies, Stanford, or MIT by recycling essays that suck to begin with. If 95% of students applying to these schools are doing the exact same thing with their essays and they reject 95% of their applicants… do you think you should be following their lead?
I wonder if you can still get in despite not answering prompts well or by writing a mediocre essay if you write genuinely and make it clear you’re a good candidate. Like how important that it is that essays are polished vs raw and 100% genuine if they both say similar things?
The problem is that mediocre––or “raw,” if you prefer––essays can conceal whatever value or quality the writer wants to articulate or demonstrate.
No one’s going to look at a badly-written essay and say, “well… they’ve got passion!” or “well, they seem like they’d thrive here.” It’s more likely that they’ll think, “Mmmm, that wasn’t so great, let’s look at where their strengths are” or, at worst, “what the Hell are they trying to communicate here?”
In writing, you don’t get points for being “genuine” unless you can articulate that quality in writing.
How do I write an extracurricular essay? Should I have a narrative?
You can. Is it easier for you to write a narrative? Most EC essays are fairly limited when it comes to word count: can you craft a strong narrative given those constraints? You also need to look at the prompt: schools usually hint at what they’re looking for in these essays.
I think most applicants would be better off if they stopped asking permission to express themselves. I understand why this feels so wrought with tension for you guys, but getting hung up on clichéd topics, essay forms, or whether or not an idea is “good” is only going to make this process more painful and difficult than it needs to be.
Can I put a link in a letter of continued interest?
You can (unless they ask you not to), but there is no guarantee they’ll click it. I discourage students from doing it, but I’ve seen it done for schools like Stanford who only allow super short LOCIs.
You don’t need good essays as long as you believe in yourself (just kidding).
I know you’re kidding, but I think the admonishment to “believe in yourself” neglects an aspect of reflection that is, perhaps, far more valuable: the Delphic maxim “know thyself.”
Confidence and courage are valuable, yes, but if you believe in yourself without knowing yourself, you run the risk of deluding yourself.
Sometimes self-belief is what gets us out of bed in the morning, but if you spend your life believing you’re a bird, the reality that you do not have wings to fly will eventually grind you down (some of you are tempted to turn this into a metaphorical or semantic argument that sings the praises of self-delusion: please don’t).
I see hundreds of essays every month from applicants who believe in themselves –– or the personas they’ve created for the sake of college applications –– but show no sign of ever having been encouraged to know themselves.
In any case, Common Application Personal Statement writers, think of your college application essays as tools to get to know yourselves. It might alleviate some of the suffering that accompanies the process. It might even help get you into DreamSchool.
